Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
