You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
