Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize