so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
smell my finger.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize