there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
