I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
