our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
