youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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