Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize