I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just found puke in my bra..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
