I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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