you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
