Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
