honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Couch. On fire.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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