I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
