So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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