We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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