Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i think my cat just said my name.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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