Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
