I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
