yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
