You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
