So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
