Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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