im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
