4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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