Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
