i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
