Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
