We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
