So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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