Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
worst night to have a conscience
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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