you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
oh god was she eating orange peels again
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
