Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
