Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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