Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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