We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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