i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
