I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
