Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
