I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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