You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
