i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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