38 yer olds are good kisserssss
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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