Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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