i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
