last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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