You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
