I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
