I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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