That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
