You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
