So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
