You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
