At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
