Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
