consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
