I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
