So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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