We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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