just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
