I like to think it a success when the cops are called
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
