Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
