I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
