Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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