I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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