am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
