Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
