Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My ATM looks so different sober.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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