U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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