I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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