Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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