i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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