I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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