I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
