i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
