He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
