I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
