how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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