birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize