You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i will never coherently bang her
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
