I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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