I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
