I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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