Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Terrible idea I love it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
