we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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