He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
